Cynthia Hayes: Overcoming the Psychological Turmoil of Cancer

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A former journalist, Harvard-trained management consultant, and hospital executive, Cynthia Hayes is the author of The Big Ordeal.

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You definitely have a very interesting and prestigious bio, so it sounds like you had a lot going on. So take us back to the beginning of that cancer journey. What was that like, and how did it start? Did you have symptoms?

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I had no complaints other than a little fatigue. But at age 57, who isn't a little tired?

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You need to come back in for more testing and call the office, and we'll schedule it. 

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No, I did not. I did not say a word. I did tell my husband that my adult daughter was there with us, but she was also preparing to take the law school entrance exams. 

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I was in so much turmoil with such a panic, and I was anxious and fearful and incredibly stressed and, as I said, certain that I was going to die. 

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I know that this is a really hard piece of news to hear, but you're going to be okay. And, of course, that's the surgeon I ended up choosing because he instantly brought my anxiety down. 

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Yes. I had a radical hysterectomy, which meant they took everything out. I wasn't using it anymore, so it was okay. 

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And so when you wake up from surgery, from radical hysterectomy, you are immediately thrown into menopause, and you have nothing in your body anymore giving you any estrogen. And it's just this immediate sort of shock to your system.

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I am a very physically fit and active person, and I was definitely, you know, running until the 48 hours before surgery, playing tennis, you know, all of that sort of stuff. But then, after the surgery, I wasn't allowed to do anything for three weeks. 

[00:15:24]
It's a really lovely combo that will make you lose all of your hair, will make you nauseous, and will make you constipated. All of the nasties one thinks of that come with chemo, including neuropathy and muscle aches and pains, and wipe out your red blood cells and right blood cells and further complicate your intestinal issues. 

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It makes the chemo more effective, but it also helps prevent allergic reactions or going into anaphylactic shock or any of those other lovely things that might happen. 

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I'm okay. I'm tired, I'm weak, I'm pathetic, but I'm okay. 

[00:20:18]
I was so determined I would go to the gym and try and push the pedals off the bike or go for an extended walk trying to elevate my blood my heart rate enough to signal to the red blood cells. 

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I was not 100% certain of that until the very end, but the doctor said originally we might need to do radiation as well, and we'll figure that out down the road. 

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And in the absence of information, the mind goes to a really bad place. And part of it is that for millennia, cancer has been a death sentence.

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That's really my quest to get us all to talk about the hard parts of cancer. And, of course, so much of it is fear. 

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Many people start treatment and have never actually had a biopsy, and that always blows my mind, but it happens a lot. 

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I think that the best moment was actually when that surgeon took my hand and said, Cynthia, you're going to be okay. 

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And I think one of the things that were so surprising to me as I started talking to other people about cancer was the predictability and the patterns of the emotional response that people had. 

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And I was just blown away because I think that there are tremendous resources out there, but you have to know to ask for them. 

[00:35:02]
I think the most important thing would be that we incorporate mental health into physical health in all aspects of medicine.

[00:36:20]
Thriver Rapid Fire

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What's one resource that you would recommend for cancer patients and caregivers? 

[00:41:20]
There is so much that we do know about cancer and how to get through it. And the more we share, the more we talk about it, and the more we can all learn from those who've been there.